Friday, April 10, 2009
I stepped out into the gleaming sun, almost as if this were my first day here, in this life, this time, this existence.
So sure that things would go my way, there was no other way. How could there be any other way, when I was so perfect?
The world soaked into my skin allowing me to see to the end of the earth, so I thought.
The leaves had started to turn colors under the iridescent sky. I wonder, now, if the clouds could have told me my future….so bleak and empty.
How could anyone have known what might be or what truly had past, for no history is ever accurate?
I took in the smells of life, the smells of the city, hot concrete, perspiration, movement, shadows.
People, busy people pushed past me, not really seeing me for who I was or even who I was yet to become.
A small round woman smiled vaguely. A ragged homeless man asked me for change.
I wonder, was he speaking of cash or something more. Could possibly have been sent to send me a message that I was incapable of receiving at the time?
On this particular day in my life, I remember smelling the green in the air, the lush vegetation that lurked somewhere hidden from me. As beautiful luxuries always would be.
I couldn’t see myself. I still can’t see myself, I wonder if anyone can.
Imagine you could see yourself, your whole honest self that would be boring, you would never learn from you mistakes. You would already be complete.
Here I was, so many years ago…..waiting, thinking, wondering.
